A Letter To A Friend
(excerpts)
In 1999, what began as a personal letter became a manifesto against homophobia and a declaration of liberation from homophobia. Giving thought to homophobic tropes and devices such as the idea of God's condemnation of homosexuality, and the view that declares homosexuality as unnatural, 'A Letter to a Friend' challenges those worn ways of thinking with fresh ideas.
(Available at Amazon , Barnes and Noble , and All Bookstores worldwide)
(Excerpts)
November 14, 1999
Dear Greg,
I hope this letter finds you well, or at least in a better place than when we last talked. I know I promised not to bother you for the next (what, few weeks? months? you never really said) while you decided whether or not you wanted to live your life as a gay man. Believe me, I want you to make that decision because it’s the life you will have to live. But I want to give you some things to think about while you make your decision. They are thoughts about being gay that most people don’t think about or don’t want to think about. They are points that I hope will make things clearer to you about who you are as a gay man… Greg this letter is from my heart to you because of the love I have for you. And whatever decision you make I want to know that you made it with a clear mind and with understanding. It’s the best I can offer you at this time, and I hope you will appreciate what I am about to tell you. Well, here goes:
~1972 was not the greatest year to come out. There were strict laws against gay people. Arrests, brutality against us that went without punishment, housing and job discrimination was common (I personally have been denied housing and was also kicked out of the military, but I believe even that will change one day). It was horrible. But I, like so many, made it through, stumbling and getting back up many, many times. The journey wasn’t without merit, though. It wasn’t without merit because with each whack of the stick, each smash of the fist, each door closed in the face and each act of rejection, the way was paved for the equality that is finally coming.
~On the surface we would see the two, faith and fear, as being polar opposites; one (faith) engenders ‘fearlessness’ while the other feeds into feelings of hopelessness and despair. But in fact both of these energies are firmly rooted in one’s sense of self worth.
Of the two energies (faith and fear), fear is the more immediate and, as a result is more tenable. That’s why it’s used so often as a way to control others. It’s a primal response that’s wired into every animal and can switch on at the drop of a dime.
Faith, on the other hand, is more complex because it isn’t hot-wired into our primal responses. We have to work for it. We have to make a conscious effort to reach into a higher part of ourselves and grope around for something that is not as immediately tenable as fear. However, the result is well worth the labor.
You cannot have faith if you don’t love yourself. That is probably the first step towards acquiring it. You can have hope, but you can’t have faith.
~In nature’s tendency towards diversity we’ve been given people whose minds mainly grasp abstractions while others’ grasp logic. It’s the will of the force of nature that deals in diversity; just look around at the different races and characteristics on this planet. If nature can offer such diversity, why, then, would homosexuality not be part of that diversity? Your homosexuality is not so much an aberration as merely a difference, a variation that compliments the natural diversity of life.
~In conditions of oppression there is a need for the oppressor to lay claim over the oppressed, especially when it comes to determining the nature of, and outcome of those they oppress. This laying of claim often stems from the idea that the oppressed group is not a part of what is acceptable, that they are, in essence, wrong… ruined, and are therefore in need of control by the oppressors. Consequently the oppressed, many having lived a life believing what the oppressors have taught them feel they are obligated to engage their oppressors. It’s a crazy mind game in search of authority. The same is true when it comes to this matter of gay people being expected to explain their existence.
~Greg, if you do decide to live your life as an openly gay man you should be prepared to lose some things you might consider important. Be prepared to lose some things, but don’t worry, because losing things can quite often leave space for new things. With loss comes renewal.
For gay men and women, the idea of loss is always near. Losing the love of family and friends, job and respect hangs over our heads with every thought we might have of people finding out about our sexual orientation, so most of the time we simply choose to keep who we really are a secret.
Believe me, Greg, everyone fears loss. But, like anything else, loss deserves understanding, and once it is understood, its effect changes.
~Life is much more of a force than we might want to consider. I don’t believe if those of us who are homosexual act on our nature, then everyone will become homosexual and procreation would cease. Everyone would not become homosexual if someone who is homosexual chooses to live his or her life. Humans are not that monolithic.
Besides, if procreation is the prime reason for the validation of our existence, then we are all in step to miss the fullness that makes us human. I believe the positive growth of our individual spirit (one imbued in love) is the prime agent of our individual lives, not the extension of the physical self.
~ The subject of morality always leads to conversation about God. It’s a touchy subject, but this is what I’d like to propose: God is an abstract concept that humankind has honed to explain phenomena such as being, death and circumstance, inexplicable matters that govern life. There are many views, all of which claim divine providence.
To say the concept of God is an abstraction is not to suggest that God doesn’t exist. I, for one believe God does exist in some form or another. It’s just that our ability to fully understand this power we term ‘God’ is greatly lacking. It’s very difficult to understand something that can’t be fully realized as fact.
Even to the point that we have come to apply anthropomorphic terms to describe God speaks of our desire to explain It. In the end, we can only come to terms with It, not explain It. We can’t explain or understand something so powerful, so infinite as the energy we have chosen to call God.
Beyond it all, this is where faith comes into play. So many people profess faith when all they really have is belief. Someone once described belief as wishing things to be as you are told they should be, and faith as a letting go of expectation, to be able to throw your arms open and accept what is not known or understood. Our beliefs are shaped by cultural, political and to some degree, personal influence, but very little faith. Personally, I can say that belief taught me fear, but now, my faith informs me of love.
Finally, regarding God, I can’t leave this subject without addressing the idea that God does not condone homosexuality. Using our concept of God, I challenge such a notion to be proven. If God is omniscient, then It knows who is going to be gay.
Of course, such a reply will almost always lead to a discussion about Free Will—the belief that through the grace of God, we are given a chance to make choices in life. Such reasoning fall’s short in its rationalization. To accept the idea of free will as an explanation of my homosexuality would be akin to accepting the argument of ‘choice’. Even the idea of free will as grace from God is arguable if it’s set within the context of retribution. If God punishes us for our choices then free will was not given out of grace. I do not believe a divine entity that possesses omnipotence has need for free will. It would simply control what we do, not allowing us to fail, and therefore would have no need to resort to retribution.
We have no idea of the wonder of ‘The Mystery’ we have chosen to call God. ‘The Mystery’ simply Is. How much control we have in divining our lives is small compared to the greatness of The Mystery.
The Mystery, God, created me to be in this life at this time and I will love Its wisdom without question because I know I live a life that has far more love and meaning than what some have tried to deny me. In that I take solace.
Speaking of God and spirituality, while you and I have talked about it on many occasions, let me warn you that people will attempt to use their religious beliefs to sway you to see things their way. I know because just like everyone else, I’ve been subjected to such, and here’s what I’ve decided: I’ve come to refuse beliefs that are borne of culture and politic. I choose a faith that liberates me from such precepts and simply embraces the idea that everyone has the right to become self actualized towards a spirit that causes no harm to self or others, a nurturing spirit. Therefore, I choose to walk a spiritual path (stumbling sometimes as humans do), than a religious one. The two are not the same because religion is man-made and is prone to all the influences I stated above, while spirituality is the essence of God. Many seek religion (earthly power), but few seek spirituality.
~Greg, I know growing up gay is a challenge. I’ve been there and so have many others before you. In a hostile world that refuses to validate your existence, being same-sex loving or even transgender quite often requires giving up modes of self-validation and refuting self-worth. From the day you first realize your difference, you immediately draw strategies of defense. Those measures can range anywhere from outright confrontation to secrecy and denial. Now, also consider self-love in your strategy.This is why I have written this letter. During the clamor in you life surrounding your coming out, I hope you will find a quiet space to read this letter. Then take what I have written you and live the life you know will bring you the most happiness and that will allow you to pass your joy on to others.
Available at Amazon , Barnes and Noble , and All Bookstores worldwide
(Available at Amazon , Barnes and Noble , and All Bookstores worldwide)
(Excerpts)
November 14, 1999
Dear Greg,
I hope this letter finds you well, or at least in a better place than when we last talked. I know I promised not to bother you for the next (what, few weeks? months? you never really said) while you decided whether or not you wanted to live your life as a gay man. Believe me, I want you to make that decision because it’s the life you will have to live. But I want to give you some things to think about while you make your decision. They are thoughts about being gay that most people don’t think about or don’t want to think about. They are points that I hope will make things clearer to you about who you are as a gay man… Greg this letter is from my heart to you because of the love I have for you. And whatever decision you make I want to know that you made it with a clear mind and with understanding. It’s the best I can offer you at this time, and I hope you will appreciate what I am about to tell you. Well, here goes:
~1972 was not the greatest year to come out. There were strict laws against gay people. Arrests, brutality against us that went without punishment, housing and job discrimination was common (I personally have been denied housing and was also kicked out of the military, but I believe even that will change one day). It was horrible. But I, like so many, made it through, stumbling and getting back up many, many times. The journey wasn’t without merit, though. It wasn’t without merit because with each whack of the stick, each smash of the fist, each door closed in the face and each act of rejection, the way was paved for the equality that is finally coming.
~On the surface we would see the two, faith and fear, as being polar opposites; one (faith) engenders ‘fearlessness’ while the other feeds into feelings of hopelessness and despair. But in fact both of these energies are firmly rooted in one’s sense of self worth.
Of the two energies (faith and fear), fear is the more immediate and, as a result is more tenable. That’s why it’s used so often as a way to control others. It’s a primal response that’s wired into every animal and can switch on at the drop of a dime.
Faith, on the other hand, is more complex because it isn’t hot-wired into our primal responses. We have to work for it. We have to make a conscious effort to reach into a higher part of ourselves and grope around for something that is not as immediately tenable as fear. However, the result is well worth the labor.
You cannot have faith if you don’t love yourself. That is probably the first step towards acquiring it. You can have hope, but you can’t have faith.
~In nature’s tendency towards diversity we’ve been given people whose minds mainly grasp abstractions while others’ grasp logic. It’s the will of the force of nature that deals in diversity; just look around at the different races and characteristics on this planet. If nature can offer such diversity, why, then, would homosexuality not be part of that diversity? Your homosexuality is not so much an aberration as merely a difference, a variation that compliments the natural diversity of life.
~In conditions of oppression there is a need for the oppressor to lay claim over the oppressed, especially when it comes to determining the nature of, and outcome of those they oppress. This laying of claim often stems from the idea that the oppressed group is not a part of what is acceptable, that they are, in essence, wrong… ruined, and are therefore in need of control by the oppressors. Consequently the oppressed, many having lived a life believing what the oppressors have taught them feel they are obligated to engage their oppressors. It’s a crazy mind game in search of authority. The same is true when it comes to this matter of gay people being expected to explain their existence.
~Greg, if you do decide to live your life as an openly gay man you should be prepared to lose some things you might consider important. Be prepared to lose some things, but don’t worry, because losing things can quite often leave space for new things. With loss comes renewal.
For gay men and women, the idea of loss is always near. Losing the love of family and friends, job and respect hangs over our heads with every thought we might have of people finding out about our sexual orientation, so most of the time we simply choose to keep who we really are a secret.
Believe me, Greg, everyone fears loss. But, like anything else, loss deserves understanding, and once it is understood, its effect changes.
~Life is much more of a force than we might want to consider. I don’t believe if those of us who are homosexual act on our nature, then everyone will become homosexual and procreation would cease. Everyone would not become homosexual if someone who is homosexual chooses to live his or her life. Humans are not that monolithic.
Besides, if procreation is the prime reason for the validation of our existence, then we are all in step to miss the fullness that makes us human. I believe the positive growth of our individual spirit (one imbued in love) is the prime agent of our individual lives, not the extension of the physical self.
~ The subject of morality always leads to conversation about God. It’s a touchy subject, but this is what I’d like to propose: God is an abstract concept that humankind has honed to explain phenomena such as being, death and circumstance, inexplicable matters that govern life. There are many views, all of which claim divine providence.
To say the concept of God is an abstraction is not to suggest that God doesn’t exist. I, for one believe God does exist in some form or another. It’s just that our ability to fully understand this power we term ‘God’ is greatly lacking. It’s very difficult to understand something that can’t be fully realized as fact.
Even to the point that we have come to apply anthropomorphic terms to describe God speaks of our desire to explain It. In the end, we can only come to terms with It, not explain It. We can’t explain or understand something so powerful, so infinite as the energy we have chosen to call God.
Beyond it all, this is where faith comes into play. So many people profess faith when all they really have is belief. Someone once described belief as wishing things to be as you are told they should be, and faith as a letting go of expectation, to be able to throw your arms open and accept what is not known or understood. Our beliefs are shaped by cultural, political and to some degree, personal influence, but very little faith. Personally, I can say that belief taught me fear, but now, my faith informs me of love.
Finally, regarding God, I can’t leave this subject without addressing the idea that God does not condone homosexuality. Using our concept of God, I challenge such a notion to be proven. If God is omniscient, then It knows who is going to be gay.
Of course, such a reply will almost always lead to a discussion about Free Will—the belief that through the grace of God, we are given a chance to make choices in life. Such reasoning fall’s short in its rationalization. To accept the idea of free will as an explanation of my homosexuality would be akin to accepting the argument of ‘choice’. Even the idea of free will as grace from God is arguable if it’s set within the context of retribution. If God punishes us for our choices then free will was not given out of grace. I do not believe a divine entity that possesses omnipotence has need for free will. It would simply control what we do, not allowing us to fail, and therefore would have no need to resort to retribution.
We have no idea of the wonder of ‘The Mystery’ we have chosen to call God. ‘The Mystery’ simply Is. How much control we have in divining our lives is small compared to the greatness of The Mystery.
The Mystery, God, created me to be in this life at this time and I will love Its wisdom without question because I know I live a life that has far more love and meaning than what some have tried to deny me. In that I take solace.
Speaking of God and spirituality, while you and I have talked about it on many occasions, let me warn you that people will attempt to use their religious beliefs to sway you to see things their way. I know because just like everyone else, I’ve been subjected to such, and here’s what I’ve decided: I’ve come to refuse beliefs that are borne of culture and politic. I choose a faith that liberates me from such precepts and simply embraces the idea that everyone has the right to become self actualized towards a spirit that causes no harm to self or others, a nurturing spirit. Therefore, I choose to walk a spiritual path (stumbling sometimes as humans do), than a religious one. The two are not the same because religion is man-made and is prone to all the influences I stated above, while spirituality is the essence of God. Many seek religion (earthly power), but few seek spirituality.
~Greg, I know growing up gay is a challenge. I’ve been there and so have many others before you. In a hostile world that refuses to validate your existence, being same-sex loving or even transgender quite often requires giving up modes of self-validation and refuting self-worth. From the day you first realize your difference, you immediately draw strategies of defense. Those measures can range anywhere from outright confrontation to secrecy and denial. Now, also consider self-love in your strategy.This is why I have written this letter. During the clamor in you life surrounding your coming out, I hope you will find a quiet space to read this letter. Then take what I have written you and live the life you know will bring you the most happiness and that will allow you to pass your joy on to others.
Available at Amazon , Barnes and Noble , and All Bookstores worldwide